coronavirus Archives - Live Life Better | Olivia Roe | Single Parent Coach | Kent

Single Parent Festive Wellness 2020

December 22, 2020 No Comments

Christmas and New Year is tough for single parents, tougher than other times of the year (and Christmas 2020 is a standout one for us all) so I’ve written this blog post to ease us through this festive season with genuine joy.

This year, I aim to fully enjoy myself by approaching everything with presence, acceptance and the 5 secrets to Single Parent Festive Wellness.

I now know that Christmas shines a big, fat light on my singledom (for me, it even tops Valentine’s day) but this is okay. I’ve accepted it, all is well, and I don’t plan on being single forever! Right now, everything is just as it should be.

The twinkly, glowing media images that reel off happy family after happy family with mums AND dads are what they are. The fun festive bits of this season which accentuate no other adult being around (such as how excited my son gets by decorations) are simply experiences I currently share alone. Regardless, I am grateful for them all.

The split care (if you have it) of children over the holidays can add tough feelings. I know I felt it last year and in the run-up to this one. Are your children with you Christmas Day and Boxing Day, or with the other parent? Maybe you aren’t seeing your child this New Year due to Covid and are feeling the loss of that already. Arrangements vary from situation to situation; more so this year than any other as many of us will additionally be absent of extended family.

A Happy Christmas 2020

I invite you though to not fight those negative spaces; to not be annoyed by the switches or of the times we’re currently in. To stay in the negative or to paste on fake positivity will serve us single parents little gain.

The sun will rise and set on the days of this festive season like any other year. I know I’ll be trying very hard to be present to all the experiences I have. We have choice in how we interpret what life brings. As Shakespeare wrote ‘there is nothing either good or bad, only thinking makes it so’.

So, whether you’re parenting totally solo in Christmas 2020, whether you’re apart from your children, or together with them and others but without a romantic partner – I want to share with you my 5 secrets to Single Parent Festive Wellness. I hope these secrets bring peace, fun and joy at the end of a year like no other.

The 5 Secrets…

1/. Do things that make you feel good…

When we focus on giving our children the best possible festive experience, we can forget to take care of ourselves. So, this year (and every year!) spend some time doing things for yourself that you enjoy. You can’t pour from an empty cup, so have that soak in the bath or take time to read your new book. Do things that make you feel special, grounded and are just for you. You are your own person, as your children are their own too, so enjoy being you!

2/. Let go…

As single parents, we are masters at juggling and managing an array of life. We run the household, provide income and are there for our children day and night. Striving and giving, but all this juggling can make it hard for us to let go of the reins. We can lose our ability to let things be. Surrendering control is empowering, peace-giving and on a higher plain for not only ourselves but for our children. So, surrender to that which you feel resistance over and let peace envelop your soul.

3/. Laugh…

Do this as much and as often as you can. Laughter is a powerhouse of goodness for your physical and mental health. Avoid too many news updates and instead, laugh at movies, play games and mess about. Our children are better at this than we are (as well as lots of other things, lol) so look to them for guidance! Laugh every day and laugh hard.

4/. Live mindfully…

Enjoy all the moments that Christmas 2020 and New Year give for what they are. Focus on whatever is happening with all your senses. Really experience it, don’t let thoughts about the past or the future fog your mind. Look at a mince pie as if you’ve never seen one before! As your children open their presents, watch their faces and feel the energy they exude as they pull paper and ribbon apart. You’ll get so much from this.

5/. Move

You might think this is hard to fit in (whilst getting everything else sorted) but movement of our bodies reaps enormous rewards. Doing at least 30 minutes of cardio exercise each day is great for us in mind, body and spirit. If you can do it outside, then even better! I get out and about with my toddler every day and I have an exercise bike in my bathroom for when he’s in bed. Yoga, pilates and weigh bearing exercise is also key for muscles, flexibility and overall health.

Enjoy this festive season. Catch up with others virtually, love the moments you have and look to the future for what Christmas-es will be like.

I wish you and your families health, happiness and joy for 2021. Thank you for supporting this blog and my work with single parents.

If you or someone you know would benefit from coaching in 2021, please let me know. It has all the potential to be their best year yet!

(Photos by Chad Madden, Kira auf der heide & S&B Vonlanthen, Unsplash)

100 Days of Fun in Coronavirus

In January at Live Life Better, I introduced the concept of being Healthily Happy which incorporated the wellbeing 3L’s of Learning, Loving and Laughing. For May and during this challenging time for the world, I want to focus on this more and bring ‘Learning, Loving and Laughing’ together in one word – FUN!

Right now, there’s not as much family fun around as there once was. Parents are dealing with loss, change and difficulty whilst holding everything together at home. There’s play but there’s also tears. There’s joy and there’s stress. One thing that’s certain is a rollercoaster of emotions so, if ‘time flies whilst you’re having fun’, I’ve decided to do more of it now to pass this time positively. Would you like to join me in bringing more fun into your days too?

A self-care commitment

I’ve made a commitment to do something fun, every day, for 100 days. I already do lots of fun stuff with and for my son, and he is very good at having fun (I learn a lot from his lead), so this current pledge is about personal, parental self-care. As I say often, ‘you can’t pour from an empty cup’ so I’m going to boost my wellbeing through fun and, in a roundabout way, I’m sure my son will benefit too. Fun breeds fun and a mum having fun is fun in itself (lol)!

Fun is serious business in serious times

A brief Google search on the value of fun lists its importance for productivity at work, for children’s development and even in the aid of recovery. Psychology Today has a compelling article on the importance of play for everyone. They maintain ‘play is serious business,’ calling it a ‘banquet for the brain’ so we shouldn’t view fun as frivolous. HelpGuide talks persuasively on the mental health and relationship benefits of play for adults saying it can ‘add joy, relieve stress, supercharge learning and connect you to others and the world around’. They argue play improves brain function and stimulates creativity.

In 2018, Steve Taylor from Leeds Beckett University, wrote about ‘awakenings’ in the British Psychological Society’s magazine. He described these as “a temporary expansion and intensification of awareness that brings significant perceptual, affective and conceptual changes,” which could be related to experiences of flow; and flow can be thought of as (Csikszentmihalyi and Csikszentmihalyi, 1988: 36) “the holistic sensation that people feel when they act with total involvement.” Hopefully some of these awakening or flow experiences will arise from the fun times to come over the upcoming 100 days!

The Oxford English Dictionary defines fun as “light-hearted pleasure, enjoyment, or amusement; boisterous joviality or merrymaking; entertainment”. How would you define fun for yourself? Is it doing things that are creative, silly or witty? Perhaps it’s about novelty or activities you know you enjoy? What about joy, where does this fit for you? My 100 days of fun will be about things I know I enjoy (but don’t do enough) as well as trying out novel and creative activities. It’ll be about both ‘creativity’ and ‘enjoyment’. Those will be my key words.

Fun ideas for isolation?

I’ve jotted down a few ideas of things I’ll do. Please have a look at my Youtube video on Bringing Joy, for a fun coaching exercise in generating plans for your household. I already love writing and supporting people so those will continue but perhaps I’ll now try recipes, cocktails or foods I’ve not had before? Perhaps I’ll collage, journal or do new daft puppet shows with my son? Painting, dressing-up, cycling and running barefoot on the beach will all happen as will, no doubt, lots of music and dance. I’ll be sure to explore and surround myself with playful people online. I was thinking virtual charades, if anyone’s up for it!?!

Whatever it looks like to you though, we can likely all agree that we know when someone’s having fun. That sense of joy and pleasure is universally understood, regardless of culture, gender, age or any other thing which might differentiate us. Fun is unifying and that’s something we can all do with in current circumstances. I’m looking forward to what these 100 days of fun will bring. Please see daily updates on my Instagram page at oliviaroellb