I’m not going to lie; this month’s blog has been a difficult one to write. I’ve attempted 3 different topics. Getting nearly done every time, only to abandon by the finish line and, I know exactly why this is.
It’s because something is shifting within me and I’m needing a moment to catch up.
It’s like my brain (for blog writing) and soul (that’s shifting) aren’t in sync so whatever topic I choose doesn’t hit the spot as it’s not currently representative of where I’m at. Where I am isn’t where I will or need to be just YET.
I’ll try to explain a little more so maybe you can recognise this for yourself too.
I did a webinar for a good number of attendees. It was my first (so I was a little nervous) but I’ve done workshops for years and was prepped, ready and excited. Everything leading up to it had flowed easily.
But, when it came to the actual event, I could feel myself being out of flow. Something was misaligned. Feedback from attendees was good but I felt I stepped away from my real self. I was overly caught up in concern for the outcome…
- Would people like the webinar?
- Would they get value from it?
- (Bottom line) Would they like me?
Questions like this had bounced around, holding me back.
My ego was in the driving seat and a deep-rooted fear of not being good enough had been unmasked.
‘It has to be perfect’ ran through every part of me and my old brain felt an immediate threat to survival.
In my previous life…
Before my son came, these feelings of discomfort would likely have led me to run away from doing webinars again. A classic ‘flight’ response.
I might also have blamed external factors such as being a little tired, the internet connection or timing the webinar wrong. I would have been hard on myself or other things.
Now, I see my feelings for what they are – ego encircling a false old belief and, with that awareness, comes the ability to accept what’s there, call it nonsense and let it go (getting the new brain in gear).
I have 20 years of experience in what I do. It was my F#*ing First Time (as Brene Brown calls it) so finding a new way with the new is standard. It certainly won’t be putting me off doing them again. In fact, I’ll be doing webinars on the 28th of every month from now on in (there’s no getting rid of me – lucky you!?!).
My soul is shifting to a place where good is good enough. Ego and erroneous old beliefs are not holding sway. Serving and helping others are my reasons for moving on, this is not about me.
I’ve also had a chat with the part of me that feels panicked by being imperfect and given it a metaphorical hug with the words…
‘Off you go, back inside. There’s no need to worry. This is grown-up woman stuff here.’
I know I’m stepping into the next stage – where ego goes, flow is constant and I know I’m good enough. This is the place that doesn’t stop me. There, anything is possible.
Maybe you’ve had this too?
Perhaps you’ve had situations where you do something and your experience of it is markedly different from what you expected (maybe a job interview)?
If you have, I invite you to take a moment to consider how things played out…
- What can you learn from what happened?
- What false beliefs or ego tethers held you back?
- How, then, can you gain your flow more constantly?
Hopefully, with this brief re-look, you’ll identify areas that aren’t authentically you. This means they don’t need to feature anymore. Call them out, hold them to account and then let them go. Don’t hold yourself back. Be your own cheerleader and counsel instead!
I hope this blog gives you a moment to pause for reflection as we move into February and, I wish you peace in the continuing UK lockdown. These times are tough. For me, there’s a different feel to March last year, with the weather and lack of novelty adding a more sombre tone.
Give yourself time, patience and compassion in these upcoming weeks. See your inner states (mental, physical, behavioural and emotional) for what they are – transient – but also with messages about blocked areas or limiting beliefs as these can be unstuck. You can and will get to the other side, rest and rejuvenate before Spring comes!
Get in touch if you need support with any of this…
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(Pictures by Jonathan Hoxmar, Danielle Macinnes & Ian Schneider)